Mordred goes to Arthur (chapt4)

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Before we begin, please set your Mordred's appearance. Eyes: <<cycle "$eye">> <<option "green eyes" "green">> <<option "blue eyes" "blue">> <<option "gray eyes" "gray">> <<option "brown eyes" "brown">> <<option "hazel eyes" "hazel">> <<option "violet eyes" "violet">> <<option "black eyes" "black">> <<option "amber eyes" "amber">> <</cycle>> Hair color: <<cycle "$hair">> <<option "dark brown, deep and rich and almost black." "dark brown">> <<option "chestnut brown, dark and lush." "chestnut brown">> <<option "light brown like honey." "light brown">> <<option "lush, dark blond." "dark blonde">> <<option "icy blond, cool and lush." "icy blonde">> <<option "golden blond, warm and lush." "golden blonde">> <<option "auburn, deep red." "auburn">> <<option "copper red, fiery." "copper red">> <<option "pure black like the midnight sky." "black">> <</cycle>> Hair type: <<cycle "$hair_type">> <<option "straight" "straight">> <<option "wavy" "wavy">> <<option "curly" "curly">> <<option "coily with corkscrew coils" "coilycurls">> <<option "coily and cloudlike" "coily">> <</cycle>> Complexion: <<cycle "$complexion">> <<option "ivory" "ivory">> <<option "warm beige" "warm beige">> <<option "cool beige" "cool beige">> <<option "rosy" "rosy">> <<option "tawny" "tawny">> <<option "olive" "olive">> <<option "light brown" "light brown">> <<option "sepia brown" "sepia brown">> <<option "golden brown" "golden brown">> <<option "russet brown" "russet brown">> <<option "dark brown" "dark brown">> <<option "warm black" "warm black">> <<option "cool black" "cool black">> <<option "deep black" "deep black">> <</cycle>> Mordred's pronouns: <<cycle "$gender">> <<option "he/him" "he">> <<option "she/her" "she">> <<option "they/them" "they">> <</cycle>> [[Next, some questions about your Mordred's personality and choices|SetMordred]]

<div class="titlelettersone" style='font-size: 100%;'>Llamagirl</div>

<<set $eye = "unknown">> <<set $hair = "unknown">> <<set $gender = "unknown">> <<set $magic = 50>> <<set $swordsmanship = 0>> <<set $persuasion = 50>> <<set $intimidation = 50>> <<set $deceit = 50>> <<set $independent = 50>> <<set $pendragon_magic = "1">> <<set $water_magic = 50>> <<set $honest = 50>> <<set $confident = 50>> <<set $impulsive = 50>> <<set $calm = 50>> <<set $kind = 50>> <<set $defiant = 50>> <<set $emotional = 50>> <<set $affable = 50>> <<set $complexion = "none">> <<set $age = "a few days old">> <<set $controlled_magic = 50>> <<set $hair_type = "no">> <<set $arthur_tell = 0>> <<set $arthur_why = 0>> <<set $arthur_comfort = 0>> <<set $arthur_away = 0>> <<set $morning_feel = 0>> <<set $whittle to false>>

<<link "Stats" "stats">><</link>> <<link "Credits">> <<script>> Dialog.setup("Credits"); Dialog.wiki(Story.get("credits").processText()); Dialog.open(); <</script>> <</link>>

Name: Known as Mordred Leudonus of Lothia - but more often than not called Mordred Le Fay Age: You are 10 years old. //A description of your likeness// You have $eye eyes, much like your parents, $hair $hair_type hair alike your mother's, Morgana and $complexion complexion like your father's, Arthur. <<link "« Return to game" $return>><</link>>

<a href="https://nyehilism.itch.io/twine-template/">Twine Sugarcube Template</a> <a href="https://www.motoslave.net/sugarcube/2/docs/">Sugarcube 2 Documentation</a> <a href="https://github.com/ChapelR/custom-macros-for-sugarcube-2">Chapel - custom macros collection</a> <a href="https://github.com/cyrusfirheir/cycy-wrote-custom-macros">Cycy's custom macros</a> <a href="https://unsplash.com/">Unsplash</a> for sidebar images (<a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/P8LZaU52NME">light mode</a> and <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/pDKoVuXYKxU">dark mode</a>)

<div class="titlelettersone" style='font-size: 150%;'>The Bastard of Camelot</div>

<<silently>> <<if $gender == "he">> <<set $pgen to 0, $child to "child">> <<elseif $gender == "she">> <<set $pgen to 1, $child to "child">> <<else>> <<set $pgen to 2, $child to "child">> <</if>> <</silently>> A couple questions before we begin! Did your Mordred pick up whittling? <div class="choice">[[Yes, from Arthur.|NextQuestion][$whittle to true]]</div> <div class="choice">[[No.|NextQuestion][$whittle to false]]</div>

It had been a great day for Arthur. Ever since the start of summer, he'd been looking forward to Mordred's birthday - the one occassion he could always promise ?them, with all certainty, that he'd be there no matter what. It was the one day out of the year where they relinquished all other responsibilities and could do all the fun things they talked about in their letters: play-duel, see Mordred's progress in fire story-telling, chat while whittling in a precious moment of tranquility. Arthur went through the motions of getting ready for bed with a smile on his face and a disposition higher than the moon shinning brightly in the night sky. Of course, the party was all to celebrate Mordred and a perfect opportunity to spend time together, but he greatly enjoyed the company of the other guests, too. They had all been so welcoming. Accolon, whom he could barely find the courage to properly string a sentence to in the beginning, proved so much friendlier to him than Arthur thought he deserved. There was a lingering awkwardness those first times he was around the man who actually raised Mordred, feeling as if he were an imposter. Yet Accolon received his company with a warmth that quickly drew Arthur out of his shell. Morgana...was less sharp, too, or at least dressed her barbed words with a pretty smile. Arthur felt like a mouse scurrying around a cat always intently watching, not yet pouncing. He slipped under the sheets, contently drowsy before his head even hit the pillow. Sleep would claim him quickly, lull him into comfort as his muscles relaxed, his whole frame melting into the matress. [[Then the knocking came.|MordredKnocks]]

Incessant and steadfast, drumming on his door with a quiet urgency that roused Arthur from bed. Mere minutes or hours may have passed since he laid down; he couldn't tell. He shed sleep as quickly as he shed the sheets as his senses jolted awake with a painful sharpness. His training as squire, his preparations as King, who both may need to jump out of bed in the middle of the night at the sign of danger, had taught him that such a hurried knock warranted apprehension. He jerked open the door and came face to face with Mordred, still dressed in ?their fancy party garments. It couldn't have been long since he fell asleep, then. "Mordred?" As he studied the child, unease swept over him like a cold gale. Mordred looked horrified. He pulled ?them in, took a quick look out in the hall. It was empty, holding no clue as to what may have perturbed ?them so. He turned back to ?them, placing an anchoring, reassuring hand on ?their shoulder. "Mordred, what happened?" <div class="choice">[[Mordred burst into tears.|ArthurTell][$arthur_tell to 1]]</div> <div class="choice">[[Mordred hugged Arthur, overcome by anguish for him, carving the comfort themself too.|ArthurTell][$arthur_tell to 2]]</div> <div class="choice">[["I know what Morgana did to you," Mordred said, trying to keep their composure.|ArthurTell][$arthur_tell to 3]]</div> <div class="choice">[[Mordred took a step away, letting his hand slide off their shoulder. Feeling strange to be the one getting comforted here. "I know what Morgana did to you."|ArthurTell][$arthur_tell to 4]]</div>

<<if $arthur_tell == 1>> Mordred burst into tears without a word, racked by sobs that stabbed and pulled at Arthur's heart. He tried to wipe at ?their cheeks with the sleeve of his chemise, but it was a fruitless endeavor when the tears kept coming, persistent rivulets of anguish - where they welled from he did not know, and he begged of Mordred to tell him, his own voice quivering. His stomach roiled at the sight, his chest panged at his helplessness as he whispered reassuring word after reassuring word, in hopes that any of it may reach and soothe Mordred. Arthur needed reassurance himself, though, as his growing trepidation sent his pulse into a gallop. Whatever brought Mordred in this state, that ?they could barely stop crying to explain? He held Mordred close to him; ?their buried ?their face into his shoulder, sobs muffled now and the trembling of ?their frame subdued. "I know why mother had me," ?they croaked out in a broken, fragile whisper. "I know what she //did to you//." Arthur's blood froze in his veins. His whole frame went taut and rigid with a bone-deep unease as horrible memories were summoned from the back of his mind - rising like frightful apparitions intent on haunting him. He barely registered Mordred pulling back, looking up at him with misty eyes that reflected, with such painful clarity, his own crushing torment. "I'm so sorry, Mordred," he found himself saying. Sorry that ?they had to find out today of all days. Sorry that ?they now had to carry this burden with ?them, weigh down on ?them like it did on him. Sorry that things were as awful as they were. <<elseif $arthur_tell == 2>> Mordred threw ?themself at him and wrapped ?their arms around him with a frenzy that panicked Arthur, pulse galloping as horrid possibilites flashed through his mind. He held Mordred back just as tightly, murmuring reassuring word after reassuring word in a frantic prayer, hoping they'll reach and soothe Mordred, whatever may have disturbed ?them to such an extent. "What happened?" he begged of ?them. ?Their face was pressed against his shoulders. ?Their frame trembled as ?they took in a long, weary breath, just before ?they hit Arthur with: "I know why mother had me. I know what she //did to you//." Arthur's blood froze in his veins. His whole frame went taut and rigid with a bone-deep unease as horrible memories were summoned from the back of his mind - rising like frightful apparitions intent on haunting him. He barely registered Mordred pulling back, looking up at him with eyes that reflected, with such painful clarity, his own crushing torment. "I'm so sorry, Mordred," he found himself saying. Sorry that ?they had to find out today of all days. Sorry that ?they now had to carry this burden with ?them, weigh down on ?them like it did on him. Sorry that things were as awful as they were. <<elseif $arthur_tell == 3>> Mordred stood before him, rattled yet trying to keep it all under control. Fists clenching and unclenching, eyes filled with a pain that spiked Arthur's alarm, sending his pulse galloping. Mordred drew in a long, fortifying breath before ?they hit Arthur with the horrible revelation: "I know why mother had me. I know what she //did to you//." Arthur's blood froze in his veins. His whole frame went taut and rigid with a bone-deep unease as horrible memories were summoned from the back of his mind - rising like frightful apparitions intent on haunting him. Mordred looked at him with eyes that reflected, with such painful clarity, his own crushing torment. "I'm so sorry, Mordred," he found himself saying. Sorry that ?they had to find out today of all days. Sorry that ?they now had to carry this burden with ?them, weigh down on ?them like it did on him. Sorry that things were as awful as they were. <<elseif $arthur_tell == 4>> Mordred drew back, letting Arthur's hand slide off ?their shoulder. The distance opened like a wound between them, festering with unease and hurt as Arthur's concern spiked and his pulse galloped. Mordred eyed him with guarded eyes, squirming in place with barely concealed anxiety. Then ?they hit Arthur with the horrible revelation: "I know why mother had me. I know what she //did to you//." Arthur's blood froze in his veins. His whole frame went taut and rigid with a bone-deep unease as horrible memories were summoned from the back of his mind - rising like frightful apparitions intent on haunting him. He barely registered Mordred pulling back, looking up at him with eyes that reflected, with such painful clarity, his own crushing torment. "I'm so sorry, Mordred," he found himself saying. Sorry that ?they had to find out today of all days. Sorry that ?they now had to carry this burden with ?them, weigh down on ?them like it did on him. Sorry that things were as awful as they were. <</if>> <div class="choice">[["Why didn't you tell me?" It's not an accusation. Just curiosity.|ArthurTell1][$arthur_why to 1]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Why didn't you tell me?" Perhaps it's not a fair accusation but you throw it at him all the same.|ArthurTell1][$arthur_why to 2]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault," Mordred said.|ArthurTell1][$arthur_why to 3]]</div>

<<if $arthur_why == 1>> "Why didn't you tell me?" Mordred inquired with guilelessness; a pained curiosity, yet not betrayed. Of course, ?they had every right to wonder why he wouldn't explain himself, when the explanation could have lit upon the very reason he needed to forsake ?them, needed to put distance between ?them, needed to get away and forget about both Mordred and Morgana and the haunting memory of that night in Camelot. Yet he never wanted to bring it up. He couldn't bear to do it - not just for Mordred's sake, but his own as well. <<elseif $arthur_why == 2>> "Why didn't you tell me?" Mordred demanded, question bitter. Betrayed. Of course, ?they had every right to wonder why he wouldn't explain himself, when the explanation could have lit upon the very reason he needed to forsake ?them, needed to put distance between ?them, needed to get away and forget about both Mordred and Morgana and the haunting memory of that night in Camelot. Yet he never wanted to bring it up. He couldn't bear to do it - not just for Mordred's sake, but his own as well. <<elseif $arthur_why == 3>> "Why are you apologizing?" Mordred gently asked, brow puckered. "It's not your fault." No, but he couldn't help but feel a strange concoction of remorse and guilt, ill-defined and conflicting. Mordred had every right to wonder why Arthur wouldn't explain himself, when the explanation could have lit upon the very reason he needed to forsake ?them, needed to put distance between ?them, needed to get away and forget about both Mordred and Morgana and the haunting memory of that night in Camelot. Yet he never wanted to bring it up. He couldn't bear to do it - not just for Mordred's sake, but his own as well. <</if>> "I don't like talking about it," Arthur said, and it was the truth: the raw, bleeding, ugly, naked truth of it. Whenever he recounted it, he was swallowed up by all those terrible, slimy feelings that tried to drown him. His knees buckled. He stumbled back on uncertain legs till he collapsed at the feet of the bed, crushed by the burden of everything rushing down on him. He folded in on himself, hid his face in his hands. He couldn't bear to look at Mordred, to see the pain in ?their face and didn't want ?them to see the one so plainly written on his expression. If he could, he would have had the matress swallow him whole, cover and shield him from the world. But he couldn't do that - couldn't just shutter himself up, not when Mordred needed him. "I don't like talking about it," he whispered, "but you deserve to know." He let his fingers slide off his face, looked at Mordred. "This is the reason - the biggest part of it - of why I kept away from you." He'd recounted the events before - to Kay, his parents, Merlin and Lancelot. It never was easy, though, and this time it was no different. "That night," he continued heavily, "I'm ashamed of what I've done...Of what I've allowed to happen." They all comforted and reassured Arthur that it never was his fault. He had no way of knowing, and Morgana had deceived him, taking advantage of his ingenuousness and vulnerability in a most insidious way. Yet - yet he couldn't completely shake off that perfidious guilt. "I was so distraught the next day when I found out who she was, and even more so when she-" he stumbled over his words, voice dissolving in a sharp intake as if punched to the gut. He struggled to push on. "When she told me she was heavy with child. She stayed at Camelot those nine months, and I could hardly be around her at times." Here Arthur broke completely. He burst into tears so violently his stomach coiled; the world around him turned watery and liquified. Yet he saw so clearly those months he spend stewing in anxiety, mind muddled by fear, heart darkened by all that Morgana had done to him. He went on through the tears. Now that he started, he needed to pour it all out. "And all this time she looked so radiant, so bright, so unbothered by it and meanwhile I felt like I was drowning. I felt so foolish and embarrassed. So I didn't tell anyone until the night you were born, when I confessed everything to Merlin." Arthur hid his face in hands, body racked by silent sobs as the tears kept coming. <div class="choice">[[Mordred hugged him.|ArthurComfort][$arthur_comfort to 1]]</div> <div class="choice">[[Mordred didn't quite know how to comfort him - Mordred put a hand on his shoulder, feeling helpless and useless.|ArthurComfort][$arthur_comfort to 2]]</div> <div class="choice">[[Mordred stood there awkwardly, not sure how to best comfort him. What to say, what to do, listening to his silent sobbing.|ArthurComfort][$arthur_comfort to 3]]</div>

<<if $arthur_comfort == 1>> Arms promptly wrapped around his shaking shape; Mordred, trying to soothe and reassure him the same way he did when ?they came into his chamber, so discomfitted and frightened. "It's alright," ?they said, patting his back, ?their own voice sad yet tender. "It's not your fault mother lied to you." ?They repeated the words again and again. At times the calm ?they clung to would slip, giving way to a quivering in ?their voice. Then Mordred would patch it up again, doing ?their best to comfort him. Arthur wished there was more he could do for ?them, but the tears and sobs drowned him. So he let himself be soothed. <<elseif $arthur_comfort == 2>> Mordred placed a gentle hand on his trembling shoulder, standing close by Arthur as sob after sob racked his body, as he wept and wept till everything hurt. Arthur wished there was more he could do for ?them, but the tears and sobs drowned him. So he cried himself dry. <<elseif $arthur_comfort == 3>> Mordred stood close by Arthur as sob after sob racked his body, as he wept and wept till everything hurt. Arthur wished there was more he could do for ?them, but the tears and sobs drowned him. So he cried himself dry. <</if>> "I'm so sorry, Mordred," Arthur said as he calmed down, wearied and defeated, voice small. "I'm so sorry. For never reaching out until the tournament. I know it must be horrible to hear, but for a while, I simply couldn't bear to be around you. And I hated myself for it at the same time, but it felt too painful a thing to attempt in those first few years." It hadn't been easy for Arthur, just as it hadn't been for Mordred, each nursing their own wounds. It wasn't the child's fault, obviously, but the reminder of that night rendered it so difficult for Arthur to approach ?them. <div class="choice">[[Arthur looked so pained...And Mordred felt horrible. "It's alright if you want to keep your distance for a while. If this opened old wounds."|ArthurAway][$arthur_away to 1]]</div> <div class="choice">[[A horrifying thought pops in Mordred's mind. "We can heal together, right? You won't disappear again?"|ArthurAway][$arthur_away to 2]]</div> <div class="choice">[["I better understand why you kept your distance. It still hurt me, but I understand," Mordred said.|ArthurAway][$arthur_away to 3]]</div> <div class="choice">[["I better understand why you kept your distance now. And I'm so sorry I was ever mad at you for it." Mordred felt horrible.|ArthurAway][$arthur_away to 4]]</div>

<<if $arthur_away == 1>> "It's alright if you want to keep your distance from me for a while," Mordred said in a wretched whisper. The words were like a bucket of ice-cold water. Arthur looked up at Mordred with horrified disbelief, begging of ?them in a hoarse, broken voice: "Don't say that. Don't ever say that." He couldn't bear the notion - after finally building this bond with Mordred, forsake ?them all over again. "I've regretted abandoning you once. I shall not repeat my mistake." He grasped ?their hand and squeezed in silent reassurance. Mordred smiled feebly. <<elseif $arthur_away == 2>> "We can heal together, right?" Mordred asked, desperation lacing ?their voice. "You won't disappear again?" The words were like a bucket of ice-cold water. Arthur looked up at Mordred with horrified disbelief and hoarsely said: "Of course we can." It was a promise. He couldn't bear the notion - after finally building this bond with Mordred - of forsaking ?them all over again. "I've regretted abandoning you once. I shall not repeat my mistake." He grasped ?their hand and squeezed in silent reassurance. Mordred smiled feebly. <<elseif $arthur_away == 3>> "I understand now better why you haven't reached out," Mordred said in a wretched whisper. "But it doesn't change the fact that I've suffered for it too." His stomach twisted, clawed by sharp talons. He looked up at Mordred, blinking away tears - through hazy eyes, he saw ?their wounded expression. "I know," he said hoarsely. "I know, and I'm so sorry. But now I'm here. And we can heal. I hope that we can heal-" his voice broke on a desperate note. He gave up on words completely and instead grasped Mordred's hand, squeezing in silent reassurance. Mordred squeezed back, smiling feebly. <<elseif $arthur_away == 4>> "I understand now better why you haven't reached out," Mordred said in a wretched whisper. "I've suffered, but so have you. I'm sorry I was ever mad at you for it." His stomach twisted, clawed by sharp talons. He looked up at Mordred, blinking away tears - through hazy eyes, he saw ?their plaintive expression. "Don't apologize," he said hoarsely. "It's not you that needs to apologize, it's me." He's the one who stayed away for so many years, leaving Mordred to fumble in the dark, wondering for the reason of it. Now ?they knew, and ?they held more sympathy for Arthur than he expected - than he thought he deserved, and it warmed him so. He grasped Mordred's hand, squeezing in silent reassurance. Mordred squeezed back, smiling feebly. <</if>> They stayed like that for a while. Silence settled over them, like the calm after a disastrous storm: weary yet welcome in a bittersweet way. His thoughts still swarmed, wildly, but now that he was calmer, they'd quieted enough for a question to arise. "I've realized," Arthur broke the quiet, "that you didn't tell me how you found out about it all. I...doubt Morgana told you herself." "She didn't. Lot did. As a //birthday present//." A shiver ran down Arthur's spine. "Mordred, that's horrible." He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, fingers fidgeting in his lap. This was unacceptable, vile behavior from the Duke. "I should have a talk with that man." Mordred didn't add anything on the subject; instead, ?they asked: "Can I sleep here tonight?" "Of course," Arthur smiled. They went to bed, Mordred still wearing ?their party outfit. Poor child, ?they must have been so tired and rattled by it all. Arthur snuffed the lights with a sweep of him arm and laid down with his thoughts, bouncing restlessly inside his head. Mordred fell asleep quickly; he could tell by ?their even, deep breathing. He was glad that ?they could sleep, at least. ?They needed the rest, to brave the day ahead. Arthur, who sleep claimed so easily before, found himself shifting under the sheets before finally falling into fitful slumber. [[Next morning|Morning]]

Arthur woke up early as feeble sunshine crept in through the cracked curtains. He simply laid in bed for a while, hit by the recollection of last night, more weary than rested. Mordred slept on by his side, with a look of guileless serenity upon ?their features. The sight panged Arthur, for he knew the pain of last night would come rushing in the moment ?they woke up. He himself was reckoning with it at the moment. Replaying Mordred's frantic arrival at his door and the difficult conversation they had, prompted by Lot's vile, so-called //birthday gift//. Mordred deserved to know the truth, yes - but not this way, not from Lot, who Arthur was sure had no good intentions in telling ?them. It was not a kind truth, and Arthur didn't want to know how rudely the Duke must have dropped it on Mordred. He needed to have a serious talk with Lot, no matter how much he dreaded it. After some time, as more light trickled in, Arthur gingerly got up. His skin teemed as if covered in swarming ants; he had the urge to walk it off, to pace about the room, but stopped himself for fear of rousing Mordred. Instead he willed himself to sit down at the desk and take deep breaths, in and out. He wondered if Morgana would seek him out to talk. Unease slinked down his back at the thought. Last night had opened wounds that had never actually closed. Usually, Arthur dressed them up but now they bled anew. He swept the desk with his gaze, searching for something to preoccupy himself with. He happened upon the book Gawain had recommended to him, //The Highly Comical Misadventures of Finley Folly the Court Jester//. It was supposed to be a light, comedic, ridiculous read. Arthur hoped it'd take his mind off things for a bit, but he often found his eyes glazing over the writing, thoughts wandering. "Good morning." Arthur startled. The book almost plunged out of his fumbling hands. He set it down carefully as his quickened pulse settled down, then turned to Mordred with a small smile. "Morning." ?They were sitting up in bed, looking rested yet wary. "Have you been up long?" ?they asked. "Not quite long," Arthur answered, "but I didn't wish to disturb you. How are you feeling?" <div class="choice">[["I feel awful," Mordred said. As if a hoard of horses trampled them.|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 1]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Not really well, but that's to be expected," Mordred said with a watery smile.|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 2]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Honestly, I feel mostly numb," Mordred said. "Numb and tired."|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 3]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Trying to adjust, I suppose," Mordred said carefully. "Last night feels almost like a dream."|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 4]]</div> <div class="choice">[["Like my whole existence is a lie. Like I'm nothing but a tool," Mordred said bitterly, voice catching.|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 5]]</div> <div class="choice">[["I'm as alright as I can be," Mordred said warily. Mordred was desperately trying to ward off all these complicated thoughts until they had shrugged the sleepiness off completely. Besides, they didn't want to burden Arthur when he himself must have been rather troubled.|ArthurMorningTalk][$morning_feel to 6]]</div>

<<if $morning_feel == 1>> "I feel awful," Mordred confessed, shoulders slumping. Arthur didn't expect anything else, but it still hurt him. He offered Mordred a sympathetic smile, though it felt strained on his lips, weighed down by his own anguish. "I'm sorry." Arthur slowly came closer Mordred, sat down on the side of the bed as he searched for how best to put into words the reassurance he wanted to offer Mordred. He knew how hard it must have been, and could only guess at how much of ?their feelings Mordred concealed, just as he'd done. But he wanted ?them to know he had him to turn to. "I know it's not easy," Arthur said. "But I'm here for you." He drew in a sharp breath then went on, "I hope you know what you found out last night, regarding your conception, it doesn't define you. Doesn't change anything. You're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." ?They smiled, a soft, effusive smile. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <<elseif $morning_feel == 2>> "Not really well," Mordred said with a sad smile. "But that's to be expected." It was, but it still hurt Arthur. He offered Mordred a sympathetic smile, though it felt strained on his lips, weighed down by his own anguish. "I'm sorry." Arthur slowly came closer Mordred, sat down on the side of the bed as he searched for how best to put into words the reassurance he wanted to offer Mordred. He knew how hard it must have been, and could only guess at how much of ?their feelings Mordred concealed, just as he'd done. But he wanted ?them to know he had him to turn to. "I know it's not easy," Arthur said. "But I'm here for you." He drew in a sharp breath then went on, "I hope you know what you found out last night, regarding your conception, it doesn't define you. Doesn't change anything. You're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." ?They smiled, a soft, effusive smile. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <<elseif $morning_feel == 3>> "Honestly," Mordred sighed, shoulders slumping. "I feel mostly numb. Numb and tired." Arthur didn't expect anything else, but it still hurt him. He offered Mordred a sympathetic smile, though it felt strained on his lips, weighed down by his own anguish. "I'm sorry." Arthur slowly came closer Mordred, sat down on the side of the bed as he searched for how best to put into words the reassurance he wanted to offer Mordred. He knew how hard it must have been, and could only guess at how much of ?their feelings Mordred concealed, just as he'd done. But he wanted ?them to know he had him to turn to. "I know it's not easy," Arthur said. "But I'm here for you." He drew in a sharp breath then went on, "I hope you know what you found out last night, regarding your conception, it doesn't define you. Doesn't change anything. You're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." ?They smiled, a soft, effusive smile. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <<elseif $morning_feel == 4>> "Trying to adjust, I suppose," Mordred said. "Last night feels almost like a dream." Arthur offered Mordred a sympathetic smile, though it felt strained on his lips, weighed down by his own anguish. "I'm sorry." Arthur slowly came closer Mordred, sat down on the side of the bed as he searched for how best to put into words the reassurance he wanted to offer Mordred. He knew how hard it must have been, and could only guess at how much of ?their feelings Mordred concealed, just as he'd done. But he wanted ?them to know he had him to turn to. "I know it's not easy," Arthur said. "But I'm here for you." He drew in a sharp breath then went on, "I hope you know what you found out last night, regarding your conception, it doesn't define you. Doesn't change anything. You're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." ?They smiled, a soft, effusive smile. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <<elseif $morning_feel == 5>> "Like my whole existence is a lie," Mordred said with bitterness. "Like I'm nothing but a tool - a tool to hurt //you//. I don't want that." ?They sounded horrified. Every word was a dagger. It pained Arthur to see Mordred like that, to hear ?them talk of ?themself like that. He jumped to his feet, rushing to reach ?their side. "Don't say that. You're not a tool. You can do whatever - be whoever you want. This doesn't define you. Doesn't change who you are. I know it's hard. I know it's awful. But you're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." Mordred nodded ?their head, eyes filling up with tears. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <<elseif $morning_feel == 6>> "I'm as alright as I can be," Mordred said. Arthur doubted //alright// could truly be very much //alright// in these circumstances, and it pained him to see Mordred like this. He offered Mordred a sympathetic smile, though it felt strained on his lips, weighed down by his own anguish. "I'm sorry." Arthur slowly came closer to Mordred, sat down on the side of the bed as he searched for how best to put into words the reassurance he wanted to offer Mordred. He knew how hard it must have been, and could only guess at how much of ?their feelings Mordred concealed, just as he'd done. But he wanted ?them to know he had him to turn to. "I know it's not easy," Arthur said. "But I'm here for you." He drew in a sharp breath then went on, "I hope you know what you found out last night, regarding your conception, it doesn't define you. Doesn't change anything. You're so much more - you're loved and wanted. I love you, Mordred, and I'm happy to have you as my child." ?They smiled, a soft, effusive smile. Arthur opened his arms, but let Mordred decide whether ?they wanted to accept the embrace. ?They did, throwing ?themself into his arms. When Mordred pulled back, ?they asked: "How are //you// faring?" Arthur scratched the back of his neck. "I'm fine." He was far from it, and Mordred wasn't fooled. Before ?they could protest, Arthur supplied: "It's opened old wounds, yes, but...there's no new shock of revelation, I suppose it's what I'm trying to say. Anyway. Shall I call for breakfast?" They both ate little, and slowly; there was a pit in Arthur's stomach, but no place to fill it with food when it was alread full with a dark swarm of anxiety and nerves. <</if>> Mordred left afterwards for ?their chamber, to finally get bathed and changed. Arthur remained at the table, sunken in his chair, nursing a half-drunk cup of tea. Contemplating finding Kay, yet unable to summon the energy. He'd talk with him eventually, of course; but right now he decided to stay in his room, waiting around in case Mordred wanted to spend some more time together before he'd be leaving tomorrow. <<if $whittle is true>> He looked towards his chest and a faint smile tugged at his lips. They could whittle together - he'd been looking forward for the opportunity. He'd been so delighted when Mordred asked to learn. He'd bought ?them a set of tools immediately, and had it sent over to Lothia along with a letter he penned detailing all Mordred needed to know about the craft. <<else>> He looked towards his chest and a faint smile tugged at his lips. They could whittle together - he'd been looking forward for the opportunity. Mordred had not said anything about wanting to pick up the craft, which Arthur did not mind. Instead, Mordred was perfectly content with watching Arthur go about hewing at the wood, marveling at how it turned into such detailed shapes. They'd talk as he worked, and it left them both happy and relaxed. <</if>> Arthur sighed and took a sip of his tea. He only hoped Mordred would be fine. [[The end|End]]

Hope you enjoyed it!

[[On to the story!|ArthurChamber]]